Sunday, June 21, 2009

How Bad Is It?

Has your marriage reached that point where it is just so bad you want out? Do you come home everyday just wishing that he or she wouldn't be there anymore? At the same time are you worried about the kids, the finances, what would it be like if there were a divorce or separation?

That is rough. That is the hardest way to live there is. You have my sympathy.

There are no perfect solutions to these kinds of situations. Honestly there just aren't. But there are some things that you can do to find happiness. There are also some pitfalls to be avoided at all costs.

First the do's

1 - Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. I'm not talking about the selfish kind of put yourself first before everything else I'm talking about the get off your butt and live a healthy life kind of take care of yourself.
2 - Serve others. Do something kind for someone else. If you can't bring yourself to serve your spouse at this point then what about your children? Your friends? Give of yourself and you will find yourself forgetting your problems.
3 - Forget what you want. Understand that you are not in control of the situation. In fact the only thing you can hope to control is your own actions. So go back to step #1 and take care of yourself.
4 - If you can and want to - show kindness to your spouse (not the fake kind but real sincere kindness) and show that same kindness to yourself and others.
5 - Finally, seek professional help both for yourself and for others. Speak to a qualified counselor and if you have access to one a caring spiritual advisor as well.

Now the don'ts
1 - Don't fight. Contention will make you unhappy. This is an article in itself but the bottom line is nobody wins in a fight.
2 - Don't turn to alchohol, drugs, or sex to soothe your hurt. If there is one guarantee in life it is that these will make the situation worse and quite probably lead to very serious life-long problems.
3- Don't ignore yourself.
4 - Don't expect a simple or easy solution.
5 - Don't go spending money you don't have. Toys won't make you happy either but the financial burden will cause additional problems.


Joe-ann said...

great points. I thank God I don't have these problems and my marriage is working well, but I know someone who is dear to me that is having this problem,and I feel so sorry for all the things she went through and have to go through. Great pointers. I'll surely let her read this so as to ponder some good thoughts from it.

Dragonblogger said...

Marriage is difficult and every couple goes through some problems from time to time, having respect, honesty and faith in each other is paramount to a healthy relationship. Always be respectful and generous to your partner, even if they are drifting away, don't reciprocate anger if possible.

Caledonian Jim said...

Why not just get a divorce ?

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Get the Love Dare book and go through it. Lots of reviews on Amazon share how it helped their marriages.